I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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