.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
