I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
