Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
