So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
