i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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