Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
