I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
