it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
