Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
