He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
