Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
