The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
