if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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