were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
