if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
cat food counts as protein by the way
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
