My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
