Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
