ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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