When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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