I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
