I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
