it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
