My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
