i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
