TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
