I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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