Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Randomize
