I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
