Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
