Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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