Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
