Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
