I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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