It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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