I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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