put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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