Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
