Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
