I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
