I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
