That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
