just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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