If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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