we're blogging at a bar
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
