Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
