They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
