11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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