At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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