I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
