just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
