i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
