he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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