Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I won the penis lottery.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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