all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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