Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
