pop tarts are not kleenex
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
