Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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